January 10th, 2007
In any relationship the effective management of conflict decides the life and quality of the relationship.
According to Dr. K. G. Desai, former Head of the Department, Department PM & IR, TISS, “A conflict arises, when there is a common point to be achieved or arrived by and between two or more individuals or the ego states of an individual”.
Types of conflicts: - Depending on the genesis of the conflict, it can be divided into following three types: -
1. Approach - Approach Conflict -

When there is a common point to be achieved by the conflicting parties or the ego states of an individual, with the common gain of sense of achievement, the approach - approach conflict arises.
2. Approach - Avoid Conflict -

When the common point is featured with a lucrative gain on one hand and a substantial loss on the other hand, the approach - avoid conflict arises.
3. Avoid - Avoid Conflict -

When all the conflicting parties or the ego states want to avoid the common point, this type of conflict takes place.
All the conflicts can be divided in two major sub areas, viz. internal - when the conflict takes place in between the ego stages of an individual and external - when the conflict is takes place between two or more individuals. Below are few examples: -
Approach - Approach Conflict: -
Internal - An individual has got an excellent job offer, he always has thought of, outside his home town. He has a family to be looked after and can not leave his sick father alone.
External - Two or more individuals are striving for the maximum share of the same property. This is the most common pattern of conflict.
Approach - Avoid Conflict: -
Internal - A person has found a nice suit piece in a shop on his way back to home from his office. He wants to buy the suit piece, as he has really liked it. But, he is not carrying enough cash, and he is also not left out with enough to spend on his credit cards.
External - A student has secured his chances both in medicine and engineering. His choice is to opt for engineering, whereas his family members want him to study medicine.
Avoid - Avoid Conflict: -
Internal - A boy does not want to go back home from school, because he knows that he is going to be punished for something he has done before coming to school. He also does not want to spend time with his friends, because he does not want to disturb them before the examinations.
External - A fax machine is purchased for the office. Nobody has used it so far. Nobody wants to owe the responsibility of the decision during the audit.
Resolution of Conflicts: -
A conflict is normally resolved in the following manners: -
1. Surrender - One or more of the conflicting side gives it up. It is known as Win - Lose situation.
2. Compromise - All the conflicting sides come to an amicable solution. This is Lose - Lose situation, as none of the parties is satisfied with the decision.
3. Constructive Solution - It is a Win - Win situation and provides psychological comfort to all the parties, who are involved into the conflict.
How to arrive at a constructive solution: - Many books and articles are written on this. Of course the major role in resolution of any conflict is played by the communication pattern of the individuals. And one major factor that is simply unavoidable in resolving a conflict meaningfully is the body language.
A lot many books and articles are written on the subject. Some of which, I find very useful are: -
1. Born to Win - by Muriel James & Dorothy Jongeward
2. I’m OK - You’re OK - by Thomas Harris
3. Body Language - by Allan Pease
Posted in Dating, Romance & Relationships |