The Second Indian Wonder

First of all my apologies to one and all for being away from Ibibo for the last few days. It was due to the travails of incessant travelling. However, neither the travelling nor the staying away slowed my quest for the Second Indian Wonder (It is only a coincidence that it has something to do with gays).

I am talking about GALVA, or the Gay And Lesbian Vaishnava Association, which, among other things, seeks to provide support and information to gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and the inter-sexed Vaishnavas and all Hindus.  The GALVA website says, inter alia,

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The Seven Wonders of India

As I can see, many of my fellow bloggers seem to think that the Ibibo blogshere is becoming rather dull, and I tend to agree with them. Cindy as usual has come up with a funny new competition, while many of us (including me) have been dishing out the usual ones about socio-economic issues.

In my more idle moments I was wondering whether I could compile a list of the seven wonders of India, like the one made famous by the Taj Mahal. Not the usual ones (The Times of India had once compiled a staid list of the seven Indian wonders, but it contained the mandatory ones one would have expected). My pondering over the matter, ably assisted by Googling without direction, brought me to the first of The Seven:

Yes, a statue of Kumbhakaran (I did not know one existed). This is somewhere in Karnataka if I remember correctly, and no, that’s not me next to the statue.

The credit of inspiring  this selection goes to Arnie, the self confessed SleepyHead. In case he wishes to change his avtaar, this is the one for him.  He could then be part of this First Indian Wonder, even in his sleep.

PS: The pic is googled.

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Dishonesty Pays

My previous post about Mr MN Vijaykumar had predictably raised a lot of issues about honesty in governance and the lack of it, and I wondered if I should tell you about the fate that befalls the dishonest.

Mr CS Khairwal of the IAS (he retired recently as the Chief Secretary of Pondicherry), was once on the cover of India Today as one of India’s most corrupt bureaucrats. I personally had worked once with him on election duty and remember him for complaing about the quality of the circuit house where we were put up, and for browbeating the concerned Deputy Commissioner into shifting him to a delux hotel. India Today (December 6, 2000) had said about him,

"C.S. KHAIRWAL, secretary, tourism, Delhi: In February 1996, Khairwal, a 1974 batch IAS officer was arrested on corruption charges and his wealth was estimated at approximately Rs 10 crore. This included Rs 9.7 crore in real estate and the rest in fixed deposits, jewellery, vehicles, besides cash. According to the CBI, Khairwal made his millions when bus transport services in Delhi were privatised and transport operators, in search of lucrative routes, bribed officials heavily. The CBI believes Khairwal’s fortunes grew in direct proportion to the permit violations by the operators." [Later estimates of his wealth were about 25 crores].

Nothing happened to Mr Khairwal after that, and he rose to become the Chief Secretary of Pondicherry, where I am told, he went out of his way to help a well known company bag a massive civil construction contract. A colleague of mine had written to the Department of Personnel asking various questions about the rise of Mr Khairwal, but the information was denied to him. Later, I happened to meet a senior Joint Secretary in the same Department and told him how the information was denied. I was asked by this officer to write under the RTI Act myself once again and that he would ensure an answer.

I haven’t as yet. Should I?

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Thank You Everyone

Cindy first told me that I was in the revered (or not so revered, depending on how you look at it) HOF. I had, in the hopeful event of fellow Ibobeans finding time to read my blogs, commenting on them, liking them and finding them worthy of the HOF (quite a long list), and finally heaving me up to the HOF, nominated Nikhil to be my speech writer. And till Nikhil actually gets down to writing a formal speech, I want to thank all of you who found me worthy of the HOF. I will not name any names for the simple reason that I might forget someone, but all those who encouraged me know who they are, and once again my heartfelt thanks to them.

I also feel happy that my HOF entry came at the same time when I wrote about Mr MN Vijaykumar, one of the entirely honest colleagues that I have in the IAS.

If Nikhil is reading this, where is my speech? Please hurry, lest the momentous moment passes.

(I have learnt the hard way in the civil service, that the shorter the speech, the more the clapping, hence my short thanks!)

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Honesty Can Be Dangerous

Much has been written regarding the honesty (or the lack of it) in the Indian bureaucracy, including officers of the IAS, the service to which I belong.

My senior colleague MN Vijaykumar, IAS, of the Karnataka cadre was transferred six times in six months during the recently dead Kumaraswamy regime (in some such postings he was not provided official accommodation, a car or support staff), and was hounded by politicians, fellow officers and other interested parties simply because he was doing his job honestly, often even if there were threats to his life. Part of what he did to earn the wrath of the System was serialized  in the Indian Express (I am quoting a part of a news item dated September 23, 2006),

"The officer, MN Vijayakumar is on the wrong side of the government for his initiatives to promote transparency in the department of Disinvestment where he was a Director and ex-officio Secretary…..Vijayakumar took a number of steps to see that PSUs become more transparent in their functions. For instance, he issued circulars regarding the action to be taken against retired corrupt officials, transparency in recruitment, in concessions like waiver, in reporting assets and liabilities of employees etc.

A circular issued last month about the techniques to be adopted for improving transparency in PSUs is worthy of mention. It says that the RTI Act was enacted because majority of public servants were keeping quiet about corrupt practices…..In an attempt to rein in corruption from recruitment to retirement, he requested the PSUs to identify honest staff members and nominate them for a workshop to discuss as to how to curb corruption. Only 31 out of 72 PSUs could send some names.The circular also advised PSUs to list out prevailing corrupt practices and print the same on back of the forms, applications, receipts, notices etc, given to citizens and, offer incentives to both employees and the public for suggestions on tackling them effectively. He also suggested that people keep away from the officials raided by Lokayukta.

Recently after he took charge as Regional Commissioner, Bangalore (but transferred within 20 days after posting) he introduced a system using the provisions of the Right to Information Act in an innovative way, wherein public are allowed to see files without making any application between 2.30 pm and 5.30 pm on every second and fourth Tuesday of every month.He also planned to make web viewing of the files possible. These developments threatened many and he was transferred just 3 days before launch of the program . However, his efforts have been widely reported and it is hoped that citizens will demand its operation…"

Mr Vijaykumar’s wife Jaishree was recently on TV, begging the powers that be to suspend her husband from service so that they could avoid the humiliation of being transferred every other day, and so that she did not have to worry about his safety. I am also told that Mr Vijaykumar’s salary has been stopped for the last 5 months under some obscure rule.

What price honesty?

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HeArt of the Matter

Gopa’s recent post on her blog (Ponderlust) had wonderfully compared human and animal behaviour (one of the most wonderful pieces of writing I have come across on Ibibo). Shortly after I had read her post I coincidentally received an email forward that says, and I quote,

"This is a very serious matter…

For several days, the ‘artist’ and the visitors of the exhibition have watched emotionless the shameful ’masterpiece’ based on the dog’s agony, until eventually he died."

The email had a few pictures attached to it, of which I am showing two here:

The email further says that the prestigious Visual Arts Biennial of the Central Americas has actually concluded that this (tying up a starving dog) was an art form, and the "artist" has been asked for a repeat performance in 2008!

I initially thought that someone was playing a prank on me so I googled the information in the email, and found, to my horror, that this had actually happened in an "art" exhibition in 2007, though some people say the dog escaped, some say the dog was only there for a few hours, some say the dog was fed, etc, etc. It is also a pathetic fact that the title of  this "exhibit" was written on the wall of the "art" gallery with, of all things, dog food.

Where is the art in this? And to what lengths will we humans go in the name of artistic license? I am ashamed to be part of a species that tortures dumb, helpless animals, and request the "artist" to starve and tie himself to a lamp-post up during his next exhibition, all for the sake of art.

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People Who’ve Made My Life Worthwhile

There are a number of fellow Indians (or groups of them) who have made my life worth living. I have, in my wisdom, decided to bestow upon them the following awards for reasons mentioned herein: 

The Houdini Vanishing Trick Award: This award goes to the Government of India and the Indian Olympic Association for making all residents of  Central Delhi vanish from the face of this earth while the Olympic Torch was being carried around the Rajpath. Mr KPS Gill also shares this award for making Indian hockey vanish from the Beijing Olympics. 

The VVIPee Award: This goes to the late Prime Minister Morarjee Desai (May the Lord bless his soul) for popularizing the auto-urine therapy as the antidote for all ills. Unfortunately Mr Desai died before he could put medicine companies out of business. 

The Prem Veer Chakra or the Bravery in Love Award: The only recipient is the one and only former Industries Secretary of Punjab, who was caught in a “compromising position” with the then Punjab Chief Secretary’s wife. [I can’t take names here for obvious reasons and because I do not want to win any posthumous awards, but believe me, being in any kind of position (compromising or otherwise) with the Chief Secretary’s wife sure needs guts or sheer foolhardiness].  

The Michelangelo Award for Sculpture: This goes to Behen Mayawati for inaugurating her own statue in Lucknow recently. She also gets this award for erecting statues all over Lucknow or wherever else she finds vacant land. 

The Friend of the People Award: This also goes to Behen Mayawati for charming ‘friends’ into giving her over Rs 50 crores as ‘gifts’. The Income Tax Department had nominated her for this award. 

The Muhammad Ali ‘I Am The Greatest’ Award: This is shared by all politicians, big and small (no politician will however admit that he is small). It specifically goes to the Mayor of Jullunder (Punjab) who had come screeching into the foyer of a deluxe hotel in New Delhi in a huge car with an equally huge red light flashing on top. He had caught me and a colleague from the CBI completely by surprise because we assumed it was the Delhi CM rushing for an earth-shattering meeting!  

The Golden Snail Award for Speed: This is richly deserved by the Indian judiciary. According to the Limca Book of Records, the judiciary broke its own speed record when it took almost 50 years to decide on a case relating to service matters of a government employee. 

The Indian Banks Association Award: This goes to some leading lights of the industry and business world for collectively owing banks over Rs. 100000 crores, and for organizing their own loan write-offs with innovative inputs from bankers and others who matter. 

The World Food Prize: To certain ministers in the Union Cabinet, who blame the current inflation on “changing food habits”, including the ‘fact’ that South Indians are eating more wheat, so there is a scarcity of wheat in the North. Here I am glad Indians have not yet begun eating fodder…the minister who almost did is also a partner in this prize. 

The William Shakespeare Award for Innovative English: The fellow getting this one also gets one for leaving me speechless (which is a feat in itself). This was an examinee appearing for an exam leading to a government job, and I was the lucky one who had to check his paper. Asked to write a sentence with the word ‘carnivore’, he wrote a one-liner which still makes me gag. He wrote, “Mahatma Gandhi was a carnivore.” Period. 

The Nat Geo Award for Geographical Knowledge: This goes to the Indian Communists, specially the CPI (M) for insisting that every road to Delhi goes via Beijing. 

The Direct Action Award: To Pankaj, 33, male, New Delhi, a fellow Ibobean. All his blog asks is, “HI ANYONE KNOW ABOUT ANY CALLGIRL IN DELHI.” (Posted at 4.23.36 pm on April 21) and GIRLFRIEND REQUIRED: SEARCHING A TRUE GIRLFRIEND ……….ANY GAL PLZ CALL ……… FELL FREE, GET FUN. ……….KHPANK (Posted at 4.43.18 pm on the same day). Those who want to help him, please see http://blogs.ibibo.com/mobileblog247. [The fact that he seems to be equating call girls and girlfriends might entitle him to another award in the near future.]   

The Himalayan Heights Award: This one is for the Indian news media for making a mountain out of every molehill.  

Indian Idle- I: Amresh Kumar Jha of Bihar, who balanced on one foot for 71 hours and 40 minutes. The Guinness citation says, “He did not rest his disengaged foot on the standing foot or use any object for support or balance at any point.” 

Indian Idle- II: Radhey Shyam Prajapati of Bhopal stood motionless for a record 18 hours, 5 minutes and 50 seconds. He also graces the pages of the Guinness Book. 

Indian Idle- III: Raj Kumar Chakraborty of Rourkela stayed in an unsupported sitting position against a wall for 11 hours and 5 minutes. He has also done India proud by gracing the Guinness Book.  

[Who of these three will get the “Mother of All Idles” is still being debated.]

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Caste As HOF

I had read a wonderful book called "Caste as Woman" by Vrinda Nabar, in which the author had dealt with women as a separate ‘caste’, into which a large number of people are born and have to live in lifelong. The recent unseemly and unnecessary controversy generated by an innocuous post by Writer about what constitutes good blogging and what does not has made me wonder whether members of HOF could be termed as Neo Brahmins. I am saying this because one of the comments on Writer’s post obliquely suggests that she should have left out HOF members from her analysis.

My own contention is just the opposite. Members of HOF are people who have been put on a pedestal by fellow bloggers through a system that I do not understand, but I assume it is a reasonably fair system, and the fact of a blogger making it to the HOF means that other bloggers look up to him or her for comments and guidance. This, to my mind, puts a higher responsibility on HOF members not only to maintain certain quality standards in their writings, but also remain open to criticism, as long as such criticism is not personal, casteist, communal, sexist, abusive, and does not cross the basic norms of mature civilized behaviour. In fact HOF members should not only be open to such criticism, but also welcome it.

HOF is not part of a closed social startified  system such as caste, but an open system where people make it to the HOF based on their merit. I suggest conversely that those in the HOF who do not maintain certain standards (as defined by a reasonably fair system that can be devised) should be voted out of HOF.

Let merit prevail.

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The Stella Awards

In an earlier post I had written about the Ig Nobel Prizes. Now I have come across another set of awards to which many of our fellow Indians can also aspire. These are called Stella Awards, named after Stella Liebeck of New Mexico. She had accidently spilled a cup of hot McDonald’s coffee in her lap and burnt herself. She sued McDonalds and was awarded a huge sum as damages by the court. (We Indians will love this, getting paid for our own follies and stupidities).

Some of my favourite Stella awardees:

Marcy Meckler: While shopping at a mall, Meckler stepped outside and was "attacked" by a squirrel that lived among the trees and bushes. And "while frantically attempting to escape from the squirrel and detach it from her leg, [Meckler] fell and suffered severe injuries," her resulting lawsuit says. That’s the mall’s fault, the lawsuit claims, demanding in excess of $50,000, based on the mall’s "failure to warn" her that squirrels live outside.

Allen Ray Heckard: Even though Heckard is 3 inches shorter, 25 pounds lighter, and 8 years older than former basketball star Michael Jordan, the Portland, Oregon, man says he looks a lot like Jordan, and is often confused for him — and thus he deserves $52 million "for defamation and permanent injury" — plus $364 million in "punitive damage for emotional pain and suffering", plus the SAME amount from Nike co-founder Phil Knight, for a grand total of $832 million. He dropped the suit after Nike’s lawyers chatted with him, where they presumably explained how they’d counter-sue if he pressed on.

Bob Dougherty: A prankster smeared glue on the toilet seat at the Home Depot store in Louisville, Colo., causing Dougherty to stick to it when he sat down. "This is not Home Depot’s fault," he proclaimed, yet the store graciously offered him $2,000 anyway. Dougherty complained the offer is "insulting" and filed suit demanding $3 million.

Tanisha Torres of Wyndanch, N.Y: The woman sued Radio Shack for misspelling her town as "Crimedanch" on her cell phone bill. She didn’t even ask them to change it; she just sued. "I’m not a criminal," she whined. "My son plays on the high school football team." Yeah, that makes sense. The name "Crimedanch" is a common joke; police in the area confirm it’s a high-crime area. Still, Torres claimed she suffered "outrage" and "embarrassment" at having to see that spelling on her private phone bill. The suit seeks unspecified damages.

Shawn Perkins of Laurel, Indiana:Perkins was hit by lightning in the parking lot Paramount’s Kings Island amusement park in Mason, Ohio. A classic "act of God", right? No, says Perkins’ lawyer. "That would be a lot of people’s knee-jerk reaction in these types of situations." The lawyer has filed suit against the amusement park asking unspecified damages, arguing the park should have "warned" people not to be outside during a thunderstorm.

Caesar Barber, 56, of New York City: Barber, who is 5-foot-10 and 270 pounds, says he is obese, diabetic, and suffers from heart disease because fast food restaurants forced him to eat their fatty food four to five times per week. He filed suit against McDonald’s, Burger King, Wendy’s and KFC, who "profited enormously" and asked for unspecified damages because the eateries didn’t warn him that junk food isn’t good for him. The judge threw the case out twice, and barred it from being filed a third time. Is that the end of such McCases? No way: lawyers will just find another plaintiff and start over, legal scholars say.

Bob Craft, then 39, of Hot Springs, Montana, changed his name to Jack Ass in 1997. Now, he says that MTV’s TV show and movie "Jackass" was "plagiarized" from him, infringes his trademarks and copyrights, and that this has demeaned, denigrated and damaged his public image. No attorney would take the case, so he has filed suit on his own against MTV’s corporate parent, demanding $50 million in damages. If nothing else, Jack Ass has proved he chose his name well.

Kathleen Ann McCormick: Every time you visit your doctor, you’re told the same old things: eat less, exercise more, stop smoking. Do you listen? Neither did Kathleen Ann McCormick. The obese, cigarette-smoking woman from Wilkes-Barre, Penn., had high blood pressure, high cholesterol and a family history of coronary artery disease. Yet doctors at the Department of Veterans Affairs Medical Center "did not do enough" to convince her to work to improve her own health. Unsurprisingly, she had a heart attack which, she says in a federal lawsuit, left her a "cardiac invalid". In addition to eight doctors, she’s suing their employer — the U.S. government — demanding a minimum of $1 million in compensation.

PS: There’s no original input from me here, but if you feel inspired to vie for the Stella Award, contact me.

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Kashmiri Pandits & Generally Ignored Castes

I marvel at the Government of India’s selective shedding of tears for particular communities and castes, especially in the context of the present UPA government going hyper on behalf of the scheduled castes and tribes and the OBCs. The Supreme Court judgment allowing 27% reservation for OBCs seems to have the ruling coalition in the midst of a collective caste induced orgasm.

If caste and communal identities are pandered to, it is because of the sheer strength of such vote banks. The amount of tears shed by successive governments and political formations on caste and community based issues is in direct proportion to the size of vote banks and has had nothing to do with the reality.

By a twist of destiny I was born a “general caste” Hindu. I studied hard, had a dream of getting a decent job, and was willing to compete. My background is middle-class, and I am no different from millions of people like me who make up this country, irrespective of their caste and communal identities. My father worked hard to give me the best education possible, and I studied hard enough to be able to join the Indian Administrative Service. I did, and found that many of my esteemed colleagues who in the normal course would not have got even a clerical job were in my batch simply because they had a particular caste tag. And none of them looked economically or otherwise deprived to me. Now, 25 years down the line, I find their sons and daughters also joining the civil services, not on merit, but on the strength of the same unpleasant system of caste quotas.

This is a system that encourages and perpetuates mediocrity; it discourages excellence; it makes some people more equal than others, and I object vehemently because I had no part in the caste based atrocities my ancestors were supposedly guilty of. Why are my children and I being punished for historical wrongs we had nothing to do with?

Apart from my personal inability to understand and forgive this method of social re-engineering, I often wonder what wrongs have “general castes”, for example, the Kashmiri Pandits committed that they are refugees in their own land? Kashmiri Pandits have been victims of Islamic fundamentalism for decades, and have had to migrate en masse to place like Jammu and Delhi, leaving homes, memories and livelihoods behind in a state they called home for generations. I have seldom, if ever, heard so much as a murmur from the mandarins in the Government of India about the plight of these unfortunate victims of circumstances. Many have lost entire families to the violence in the Valley, most have lost businesses and whatever little they had to sustain themselves, and now they have nowhere to go. The lucky ones have moved in with friends and relatives, but a vast majority live in refugee camps that are worse than slums.

The deafening silence from the Government of India, the National Human Rights Commission, the Judiciary, the politicians and NGOs says it all. And I myself couldn’t have put it better than KPS Gill, when he said,  

“Their relatively small numbers, coupled with a tradition of non-violent protest, has made the Pandits largely irrelevant in the political discourse – both within the country and internationally – on Kashmir. It should be clear, however, that the many ‘peace processes’ and ‘political solutions’ that are initiated in J&K from time to time have little meaning until these include some steps to correct the grave injustices done to this unfortunate community.”  

All I can add is that are they lesser humans because they are Brahmins? What if they had been from one of the pampered castes or communities? I am sure that people who matter would be falling over themselves to be their messiahs.

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